Going over the Fiscal Cliff won’t be so bad, as long as you’re attached to the Fiscal Bungee Cord.

Fiscal Cliff Jokes

The good news is the apocalypse anticipated by the Mayans was a big dud as far as apocalypses go. The bad news is Americans are still headed for the Fiscal Cliff.

Coming soon to a theatre near you: The Fiscal Cliff.  What’s the Fiscal Cliff? Well, it’s when there’s not enough income to pay the monthly bills and then one day all your credit cards are maxed out. You know, living the way most Americans have been living for years.

How can we avoid going over the Fiscal Cliff? Start kiting bigger checks. It’s the American way!

Going over the Fiscal Cliff shouldn’t be a big problem. As long as you have plenty of rope and know how to rappel, you’ll be just fine.

Felix Baumgartner jumped to Earth almost from outer space. The rest of us should be able to handle going over a Fiscal Cliff.

The Fiscal Cliff isn’t such a big problem. The big problem is that there aren’t enough fiscal parachutes to go around.

I’m sick of hearing about the Fiscal Cliff. What I really want to hear about is the Fiscal Bungee Cord.

OK, we all got through Y2K years ago and we got through the Mayan Apocalypse last week. We’ll get beyond the Fiscal Cliff too. We may be poor, but we’ll get through it.

Money isn’t everything! It’s just the main thing that can keep you from going over a Fiscal Cliff.

Fiscal Cliff Joins Taxaholics Anonymous

I’m Fiscal Cliff, and I’m a taxaholic and a member of the United States Congress.

I admit that I have the power to raise taxes and to make my constituents’ lives unmanageable.

I’ve come to believe that I have a right to do so.

I’ve made a list of people who I think can afford to pay more taxes.

I will enact legislation to collect those taxes.

I’ve made a decision to do whatever I please with taxpayers’ money.

So help me, me!

Apocalypse Not: The Good, The Bad, and The Merely Unpleasant

The good news is the Apocalypse didn’t happen. The bad news is…

all those old Mayan calendars are pretty worthless now.

Honey Boo Boo is still on the air.

Holiday Jokes

Positively Murphy’s Law: What Can Go Right Will Go Right! A great way to start 2013, free on Kindle on December 30th and 31st and on New year’s Day!

Many people are now anticipating something that will be even worse than living through the Mayan Apocalypse and worse than going over a Fiscal Cliff. I’m speaking of the dreaded New Year’s Day hangover. DM

I love Charlie Brown. He’s a pretty mopey kid. His whole demeanor is depressing. The first time I saw Charlie Brown, I couldn’t believe he wasn’t Scottish. Craig Ferguson

I was thinking about Santa Claus. When you really think about it, this has to be the biggest, most elaborate prank in the history of the world. It’s like we’re all in on a huge joke we’re playing on kids. And eventually they figure it out and they start lying to their kids, too. Jimmy Kimmel

I’m sure the new movies are good, but I’m upset there are no real Christmas movies. Like “It’s a Wonderful Life,” where Jimmy Stewart finds himself in a world where no one can see him. It’s like nobody’s aware of his existence. I know that feeling. Craig Ferguson

What are topical jokes?

Topical jokes are jokes based on some current event. Topical jokes can be very useful for opening speeches or presentations because they’re a great way of getting people’s attention. Topical jokes can be found in a number of places on the web, including this blog. The only bad thing about topical jokes is that they sometimes have a short shelf-life.

If you would like some original topical jokes for your next speech or presentation, I can put together a package for you. Send me an e-mail with notes about your upcoming event and contact information if you’d like to discuss it.

Poor Excuses for Business Jokes, plus Business Jokes of the Week