Practice Makes Perfect When Telling Business Jokes
Sometimes people start telling a joke and get stumped on how to finish it. “Oh, how does it go? It’s really funny, believe me. I guess you had to be there.” It happens with alarming frequency.
For most people, it takes practice to get a joke right. If you’re a pro like Conan or Jimmy Kimmel and you’ve told tens of thousands of jokes, it may not take much practice. However, if you’re using a joke for the first time, you should try it a few times in front of a mirror.
Once you feel like you really understand a joke and you’re comfortable with it, try it out on very small groups. Don’t warn anyone. Most of the time if you tell people you’re going to tell a joke, they’ll tense up. Just tell the joke. Try it a few different ways.
When someone laughs, pay attention to the way they laugh. Forced laughter is no good. Tense laughter isn’t much better. The worst is the laugh of pity due to the fact that you hacked up the joke.
You want the laugh that comes from deep within. You know it when you hear it. Once you start getting genuine laughter, you’re ready to use the material as an office joke.
Pope Retirement Jokes
After his last speech, the Pope stopped in at the Vatican H.R. office to sign a few retirement forms. Unfortunately, nobody in H.R. could locate the Papal retirement forms because Pope Benedict is the first Pope to retire in over 600 years. DM
The Pope has made his last public appearance. That is, until the new season of “Dancing With the Stars.” Conan
In his final speech before resigning, Pope Benedict said that he is not abandoning the Catholic Church. Like most Catholics, he’ll be back for Christmas and Easter. Jimmy Fallon
Somebody noticed that none of the Oscar winners thanked God. To add insult to injury, at his last sermon, the Pope thanked Harvey Weinstein and Meryl Streep. Conan
The Pope does not earn a nickel. No paycheck, no money coming in, nothing. That must drive his wife crazy. David Letterman
In the next few weeks, a group will assemble in the Vatican. Their job is to select a new Pope. The group will consist of 120 top cardinals and Simon Cowell. He’ll say, “Your Pope-ing is rubbish. You’re not going to the Vatican.” Craig Ferguson
Business Jokes of the Week
Did you know there are people who actually study boredom? There’s only one thing worse than being bored, and that’s doing an academic study on boredom. DM
A private enterprise is planning to send a married couple in a spaceship to orbit Mars and come back. They say the couple will be couped up in a space smaller than an RV for 501 days. I’m guessing that by the end of that little road trip, the honeymoon will officially be over. DM
After they’ve been in space for a few weeks, the astronauts will be conducting studies on boredom. DM
Dennis Rodman has travelled to North Korea as a sports ambassador. Evidently, diplomacy by elbow-throwing works well there. DM
If the Swedish meatballs at your Oscar party tasted a little funny, there’s a good reason for that. It turns out they’re actually horsemeat-balls now. DM
The world has been missing opportunities to come to an end over and over lately. First it was the Mayan calendar apocalypse. Then it was the Fiscal Cliff. Now, it’s something called sequestration that will be the end of us all. I didn’t understand what the Fiscal Cliff and I don’t have a clue what sequestration means. Here’s my prediction: The world is not coming to an end. DM
The bad news is that government budget cuts could affect water and sewage services. The good news is that you won’t have to pay for a Carnival cruise to see what it’s like to not have water and sewage services. DM
“Life of Pi” took home four Oscars. It’s about a young boy trapped at sea on a small boat with a man-eating tiger. Yet with all that, it’s still a better way to travel than a Carnival cruise. Jay Leno
The Academy Awards show was so long that by the middle of the show the audience was begging Daniel Day-Lewis to free them. David Letterman